Friday, September 28, 2012

Loving Friends

Our family has grown so close to Joy as we have created and executed our families "bucket list" with Joy.  Whenever we go to get in the car it is almost instinctive to make sure we don't leave Joys letters behind so not to miss a photo opportunity to document our memories with Joy.  But since Joy has come and gone our family has felt a little bit of a void and have been struggling to find ways to create new memories with our Joy.  When we showed the kids the shirt and the idea we could wear them and take pictures of our continued journey with Joy they were excited.  The excitement and JOY only grew as we continued to talk that others would also be able to wear these shirts and they might see some at school or at the stores or even people might take pictures of them wearing JOY's shirt and send them to us.  WE love the idea of others reminding us of our Joy at random and the thought that others will remember her as well.  The thought that people will wear something that hopefully will remind all of us the lesson JOY has taught us
 is priceless.     
This is what Lindsey shared on her blog.
"Candice Liechty Hansen contacted me and had this FANTASTIC idea to sell shirts to show our support.  So many times when a loved one is lost there is lots of support for the family in the beginning and then it slowly trickles down until it's forgotten.  This is a great way to show support long term:) Can you imagine seeing a shirt on someone that was in remembrance of your little baby girl? How neat would it be if you or everyone in your family had these shirts on and a picture was taken and then sent to Breanne and Justin, either through facebook or email, that would show such sweet and loving support." 

Thank you dear friends for the showing of love and support. Please don't feel obligated to purchase one. But as Justin wisely put it on facebook, " Warning: White family members will hug on site if you are caught wearing this shirt." We are very excited for ours to arrive and that means more to us than anything.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Oh my dear Joy your little life has touched more lives than I will ever know. I love you with all my heart.

Happy 1 week Joy!

There are so many blessings connected with Joy that it is hard to list all of them. It is amazing how our Heavenly Father knows us all individually and almost "caters" our trials to us. Even though the doctors said that Jaxon and Joys birth defects were not even related and that we just "drew lucky" To me having the experiences with Jaxon has made our time with Joy a lot easier I guess you could say. I had already been through an experience where we were told our baby was going to die. But I know that the differences between them were done on purpose by a loving Heavenly Father. We did not know about Jaxons birth defect during pregnancy and we did with Joy. One of the biggest blessings in my life was that I was able to prepare my self and my family for five months. I knew that every day she spent with us was a blessing and that I could not take it for granted. I was able learn how to do things for her and it was a really special experience. I had never pieced a quilt, sewed a dress or crocheted anything more difficult than a dishrag ( that was never even :-) ) Justin had done some woodwork but he knows that he did not build her casket on his own. We had some amazing family help but know that there was someone else helping us. I would have never had the opportunity to do those things for someone so special if I wouldn't have had the time to prepare for her. What a loving Father in Heaven to bless us with such am incredible gift! I will not lie, it has been the hardest part of our journey to have our sweet Joy progressing in her stage of life. To have something so special so close to my heart for almost a year and having to let go is painful and my heart just hurts. We mourn for her but we do not mourn without faith that we will see her again. I am excited to recap and show pictures of everything coming together the week of her birth, and of course her wonderful entrance into the world. Right now we are still mostly in survival mode and haven't quite figured out how we are possibly going to download all of the sd cards to our computer. So grateful for modern technology, everyone who was constantly taking pictures of her, and a terabyte external hard drive ;-) We were able to get a few pictures from our NILMDTS photographer, Amber and they turned out so beautifully! I cannot wait to see the rest. This picture is my favorite one of her. This is how I remember her, with a little smile on her face. Oh how I LOVE my baby girl!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

33 And their hearts were swollen with JOY unto the gushing out of many tears, because of the great goodness of God (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi, Chapter 4)

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Overwhelmed with love

It has been an amazing couple of days. It is so hard to feel like my feelings are adequately expressed because there just aren't words. The most accurate word that completely sums up my feelings is her name, Joy. The definition of Joy is a feeling of great delight and happiness.  I am so full with these feelings and it overflows when I hear her sweet noises and look at her pictures.  I always feel Joy in my heart when I talk about her.  Our tears are even filled with Joy.
 She gave us our own fairytale. 
 I miss her immensely more than I think I could miss anything, but my heart is filled with peace.  I truly do feel my Saviors love more now than I have ever felt.  Oh my dear Joy I can not wait until our blessed reunion when I get to have you in my arms again.  Thank you for staying with us.  We feel the peace and joy you brought with you even now in our room.  My dear sweet angel I love you.

Anytime I wake up it is so fun to grab our camcorder and watch and listen to her.  She made the most wonderful noises.  This video is taken with my phone recording my camcorder screen.  So sorry for the poor quality.  Hopefully you can hear her and if you watch she even gives a little grin.  Love you Joy. 

Friday, September 21, 2012

Joy's Obituary

Joy Marie White

Our dearest angel Joy Marie White joined us on this earth on September 20th 2012 and graced us with her presence for a few hours before returning to her loving Heavenly Fathers arms.  Joy blessed the lives of her family and all those that knew her.  She brought with her a spirit that enriched everyone she touched and left us all uplifted.  She inspired us to be a little softer, kinder, and more gentle.  Joy strengthened all our relationships with our Heavenly Father.  We thank everyone involved in helping us prepare for, care for, and love our precious Joy during her short stay here.
     Our sweet, beautiful baby Joy is survived by her parents Justin and Breanne (Wilkes) White and her four proud older brothers Jaden (10), Jaxon (8), Jace (5), and Jenston (2).  A viewing will be held at Providence 6th Ward church house on Monday September 24th at 9:30 a.m. followed by funeral services at 11:00 a.m.  Interment will be held at Providence Cemetery following the services.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Joy Marie White

Our sweet, beautiful baby, Joy, lived with us for a glorious 5 1/2 hours. She did everything we only dreamed of. She cooed cried and held our little fingers. I could not have dreamed of a more perfect day with my beautiful angel. Many many thanks for all of the prayers and fasting. I know our Father in Heaven was mindful of us today and blessed us with so many tender mercies. I loved watching her daddy hold her. There is something special about the bond between a father and a daughter. I cannot wait to share more photos, she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I have never felt so blessed in my life. I love you my sweet little Joy. Or as daddy called you "his little miss"

Joy is here

Our sweet baby Joy arrived at 8:19 am September 20. She weighs 4 pounds 6 ounces. She is strong and even cries. A beautiful little girl!

Dear Joy

To my Sweet Daughter Joy,
I want to take advantage of the opportunity to write my little girl a letter from her Dad while she is still here on this earth.  I want you to know how grateful I am that you chose to bless me and your mother with the opportunity and privilege of being your earthly parents.  Thank you so much for the love and Joy you have brought into the lives of our family.  You have four older brothers who love you more than anything in the world.  You have a Jaden who constantly thinks about you, takes every opportune moment to sit by you and your mother and wait patiently for your slightest move or hiccup and is burdened by the idea and feelings of grief that your stay with us will not be an extended one.   You have a Jaxon that from the moment he found out about you has cried and has taken every opportunity to tell people about his special little sister.  You have a Jace who from the beginning has prayed for a miracle that you might stay longer with us on this earth than your eternal plan will permit and has loved and thought about you everyday.  You have a Jenston that has enjoyed watching you and moms belly grow and loves putting his side of his face and ear up to you and embrace you with both hands with the knowledge that Joy is in there.  You come into a family of older brothers that from the moment they found out about you have fought, struggled, pleaded, begged, and prayed for a miracle for you.  But with much heart ache and faith our family has come to realize that you coming into our family is in itself a miracle, blessing and privilege that we are gratefully honored and  blessed to have just the way you are. 
Joy you have brought so much love into our lives.  You have increased our awareness of Gods love for each of us.  Because of you we have created friendships and strengthened existing friendships.  We have been shown an outpouring of love from so many people and so much on your behalf that it has brought us to tears and our knees more times than we can count.  Joy you have enriched our lives more than we could ever fully explain or thank you for. 
Joy as we have prepared and planned for you to come we could never of imagined the intensity of the feelings and emotions this last day and night with you has brought.  With you tucked in Mom’s belly, snuggled below her heart, for the past nine months it seems unreal that this is the last night we will lay with you, are arms and hands wrapped around Mom’s belly just waiting for you to start showing off like you do every night.  It is overwhelming to think we finally get to hold you, kiss you, snuggle your cheeks, paint your toenails, enjoy your beauty, and show you off.  It is just difficult to know that it is also the time to let you continue to progress in Gods plan for you.  Gods plan for you is not to spend much time with us hear on this earth and we will mourn your passing but like Joseph Smith said we will not mourn without faith.  We will have long moments of mourning that will seem to never end I’m sure wishing you were still here with us to be held or even tucked away in Moms belly, snuggled below her heart but we will not mourn without faith.  Our faith in Gods plan for the eternal family and your progression in his plan for you to reach exaltation will help soften the blow.  Your gift to us of helping us create friendships and strengthening existing ones and increasing our awareness of Gods love for us will also help.  Joy thank you for leaving us with these precious things to make it easier for us here that you leave behind while you wait for us on the other side.
Joy there is much that we wish we could experience with you here in this life that we look forward to experience with you in the next.  We love you so much and thank you for such a sweet Journey. 
We know that our Journey with you does not end here but it is still hard to end this part of it.  Thank you for obliging a father the privilege and Joy of writing his only daughter a love letter, thank you letter, and good bye letter.  You have given us so much more than we could ever ask for from a daughter.  We love you and we will see you in the morning only a couple hours. 
Love your grateful and loving father,

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Family and Friends

It has been very humbling going through this experience with Joy. I am sure like most of you it is always easier to give rather than to receive. MUCH easier! There are not words for the feelings I have towards my family and my friends right now and even people we don't know :) Your love is what is helping the most and keeping us afloat. I just cannot express the love in my heart that I feel for you. So many have touched our lives for good and have done things that I will never forget. From the random txts, donations, thoughtful gifts, support, listening, stopping by, selfless acts and being there always to keep me laughing. There is nothing that is not extremely appreciated. I am prepared for Thursday to be the happiest and the saddest day of my life and Justin's as well. But it would not be as easy without all of your support, prayers and fasting. Again, I am incredibly humbled that so many people care as deeply as they do. What an amazing experience to feel this much love. Thank you for caring about Joy and helping us spend time with her. She will always be a part of our family and while she is here we are able to give her the best we have got.
We love you all  

Lunch date with Jace

Today Joy got to have a lunch date with Jace. When I picked Jace up from preschool he had a plastic egg filled with jelly beans. He asked if I wanted on and I said no thanks. Jelly beans really aren't my favorite.. at all. I like the starburst ones but that is it. :) But when he said it was for Joy, I couldn't resist. He and Joy shared the rest of the jelly beans and he knew she loved them. When we got home he asked if Jenston was home and I told him Jenston had gone with dad to finish Joy's casket so it was just me and him. Then he looked at me and said "no mom, Joy's here too so it is me and you and Joy. Not just us."
That means so much to me. Thank you Jace for remembering your sister.

More Busy

Here are the rest of the pictures that we have downloaded. 
We really have been having a lot of fun with you Joy!
Thanks for hanging out with us this long. We love you!

 We thought it might be fun for the boys to do a build-a-bear for Joy to always have with her. They have never done one before and have begged for years that we would take them. Our plan is to take them back next year on her birthday and let them get one. They don't know but we thought that would be a fun way to celebrate.
 It took a while to find the right bear but I am so glad they chose the one they did! We definitely had to set guidelines and said it had to be a bear and that the name of the bear had to mean something. 
 I danced from when I was 4 until I was 5 months pregnant with Jaden. We had to get pictures with some pink dance slippers. :)
 They each helped stuff the bear. And gave her a heart too. Jenston even snuck in and gave her a hand full more. The girl was really sweet about it.

 Their favorite part was giving her a bath (vacuuming her off) Jenston would keep taking her back there and he always made sure everyone had a brush!

 We decided last minute to swing by temple square. 

 I don't think we knew how grateful we would be at the end of our day. After we were done taking pictures we took them to the south visitors center to use the restroom and get ready to go home. There was a sister missionary who was there chatting with us while we were playing with Jenston and just laughed as boys kept coming out of the restroom that were ours. She mentioned that her favorite thing at Temple Square was a new video in the North Visitors center called "Gods Plan for His Family". It was only 15 minutes long so we decided we could catch it on our way back to the car.

 We had no idea how relevant the movie would be to our family at this time. I think Justin and I both bawled through almost the entire thing but it was perfect for us. I think the Lord knew how grateful we would be for some comfort and it was exactly what we needed. In part of the movie a new couple is holding new baby girl and the father asks the mother "What are the most important things to teach her" and the mom answers,
"That she is Loved.
That she is a Child of God.
And that Families are Forever."
We get to teach Joy all those things.

 On our way home we stopped at Nielsens Frozen Custard. 
Hand down our favorite: Coconut almond
 Jaxon was able to have a very special experience while his baby sister is with us. He was baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that Joy knew what was going on that day. It is the only time that she has woken me up with her somersaults. She knew it was a special day ;) Jaxon we are so proud of you!
 Justin is from a town where Labor day is turned into the biggest celebration of the year and they change the name to founders day. :) His brother lives about a mile from his parents so we always start out the morning with a family fun run. We always have a theme and a fun/goofy item to wear. This year we did the braided bandannas and of course Joy needed one of her own.

at the end.
 Last Friday we were able to take the boys up to the Hospital for their own private tour. We really wanted them to feel comfortable and kind of know where we go during all the different stages.
We started with Louise on the mother baby floor and met Mary our social worker who will be there with us when Joy is born. Our SIL just had a baby a little bit before we got there and we were pretty sure that the room we saw on the MB floor was one they were preparing for them :) We told the boys that basically this room would be the room mom would go into after passes away. Next we went down to the L&D floor and met with Georgette who is on the right. At the very end of our tour we ran into Lori (left) who is the NICU manager and is going to be  Joy's nurse when she is born.
We started walking down towards the OR and stopped to take a quick peek at our new nephew Mathys. He is so cute and of course it made me cry but the tears were not bitter ones at all. We are so excited for them! I hope that it is only normal that I cried a little. :) We just expected that when we got to the OR that the kids would stand behind the red line and look in, but Georgette scrubbed them all down and took them in to show them exactly where mom would be and where they would take Joy to clean her off and explained about where they would be and where they could see Joy at the very beginning. They get to stand right outside the OR and watch their little miracle sister. If Joy is doing ok we will just move to a room on the L&D floor but if she isn't they will be able to come in and hold her for a minute.
We cannot express to you enough how much that meant to us Georgette. Thank you!
 After that school had started and there was so much to get done for Joy that we weren't able to go do big things with her. We knew we really wanted to do a couple things this last week so Sunday we invited our families to come and enjoy one last short video with Joy. 

Thank you so much to all who came! We almost had our entire families there! Both our Parents, My Grandma, Tracy and Caryn, Ben and Shiree, Jesse and Natalie, Lance and Dianna, JoAnna, Camille, Eric and all their kids (the pyramid isn't all of them) Kraig, Courtney, Bryant, Dani and Jordan we missed you a lot but know that sick babies, a new baby and a mission are REALLY good reasons not to be there.:) They even said that they think our group was the largest one to see the movie :)
We LOVE you ALL. Thank you so much for your love and support!