MOTHERHOOD: the state of being a mother, or qualities of a mother
Let me start this off with a simple apology for this is my first time ever posting on a blog. Some might question my manhood for such a thing as blogging. This questioning I am willing to endure (for those that might not know me this is my attempt at humor). I am willing to endure it so I can share with you the example of motherhood I have been blessed to witness in my life recently.
I want to share some of my most treasured, painful, loved, and endearing moments I have witness and experienced with my wife this past year as she has shown me exemplary examples of what motherhood is. So forgive the long post but really it is her fault for her continual example to me.
My wife showed me the hopefulness of motherhood earlier this year. In one of our late night discussions laying in bed my wife confided in me how much she truly loved our boys and how grateful she is for them. Followed by a brief and tearful moment she shared her desire to have a little daughter to share girl talk, paint toenails, do pigtails, dance, and girl’s night out with. (Even after writing this blog a night with me does not count as a girl’s night out.)
At twelve weeks of pregnancy my wife showed me the joy and excitement of motherhood. With the first audible baby heart beat from the speakers at the doctor’s office her face and eyes could not hide the smile and twinkle that comes from the delight a mother experiences by having a baby begin to develop inside her.
At sixteen weeks my wife showed me the pain and fear of motherhood. As soon as the doctor mentioned the words “I was worried about this, your baby’s head has not yet formed.” My wife’s face and eyes showed me a mother’s joy and excitement turn to pain and fear only a mother can feel for her child. She also showed me the strength of a mother to do what is necessary under unimaginable circumstances as she kept her composure until she left the building. Once out of the building she shared with me her sobs and tears of a mother who has the utter fear and doubt that she might not be able to handle the challenge that lays in front of her.
That night as we laid in bed with the inability to sleep she showed me a mothers ability to feel the loss of dreams and hopes for a child. With a tear soaked pillow and no energy left to cry she eventually drifted of to sleep.
The following morning Breanne demonstrated to me the power and selflessness of motherhood. As she woke and carried out all the duties of motherhood for four boys, dressing, cooking, feeding, cleaning, and caring with out skipping a beat and finding few and far between moments of privacy to cry and morn her own battles she fought that day.
Breanne then showed me the sacrifice of motherhood as she weighed the warnings and risks given to her by the physicians about continuing the pregnancy. As she decided to sacrifice the next 7 months to being pregnant and carry her daughter regardless of all the risks to herself, discomforts, and pains that would come with carrying a child that has a condition “incompatible with life”. A sacrifice she has gladly and felt blessed to bear so that her daughter could spend as much time with us, and us with her, as possible and to giver her as much of a chance as possible for her body to develop and to live as long as her journey will allow her.
Breanne has also showed me the faith of motherhood. As we sat down to tell the two oldest boys about our journey we were beginning with our baby Joy the realization of how our journey with her is going to end sunk in to the heart and minds of our boys. Their reactions differed from one another. Jaxon immediately became emotional, crying and feeling the sadness of the situation. Jaden began to fight and search for a way, a possibility, an escape, a miracle to save her. And my wife, their mother, having faith prepared and gave a family home evening lesson earlier that week which she referred too to help Jaden and Jaxon. She had taught them and reminded them that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego responded to the threat of being through into the fiery furnace that they had faith that the Lord should surely save them, BUT IF NOT they would not loose faith. She applied that and let them know that even though in this case the Lord was not going to save us from this “fiery furnace” we would not loose faith. Together we continued to teach our boys about our belief The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day provides us of eternal families and that our loving and kind Heavenly Father would care and love for our sweet Joy for the time that we would be separated and that if we adhere to the teaching of our savior we would be joined with her again for eternity. I watched my sweet wife kneel down with me and her two oldest sons in prayer. I could not miss the opportunity to look at her kneeling tall, under unbelievable emotions and trials here and ahead of her, in faith and example to her sons and offer up gratitude to her Father in Heaven for the truth of the gospel and eternal families.
Breanne has also showed me the love of motherhood. I watched her night after night lay in bed swaddling her ever growing beautiful pregnant belly waiting for the next move Joy will make not wanting to miss a single kick or hiccup. During the day, if her hands are free from meeting the needs of the five boys (me included in that count), laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, church callings, or working on Joys dress or hats, her hands can be seen embracing her belly waiting to feel the movement of her daughter. She has showed me her love by simply holding her belly and looking out the window deep in thought about her Joy enjoying the moment with her daughter. The love she has for Joy is shown through the work and dedication to make her dresses and hats to wear and be buried in. The love she shows through sweet text messages and conversations with me that begin with an experience Breanne has had that day with Joy followed with Breanne’s express of the sadness and regret she feels that Joy can’t stay.
Breanne has shown me the bravery of motherhood. The bravery it takes each day to wake up knowing its one day closer to being able to hold her Joy and one day closer to having her return to her Heavenly Fathers embrace as well. The bravery to go through the risks of child birth to have a chance to hold and love her Joy and give Joy the chance to receive her body here on earth. The bravery to continue daily requirements and “normal” daily activities even when they seem superfluous with the events looming ahead. The bravery to make the choices and planning needed for the end of Joy’s journey with us here on earth. She has shown me the bravery of a mother that is determined to not just endure this journey but to enjoy it and create the best mother-daughter bond and love imaginable with the time they are going to be allotted.
Now I have carried on and still have not done my beautiful, faithful, loving, enduring, brave, sacrificing, selfless, wife and mother of my children justice. But I hope I have offered you a glimpse of the remarkable woman that I have the blessing of calling my wife and my children have the blessing of calling the Mother. I am so thankful for my wife’s willingness and desire to fulfill and carry out her duty, blessing, and privilege of motherhood and the examples she shows me every day.
Thank you Breanne. I love you.