Monday, October 1, 2012

With a prayer in heart

With a prayer in my heart I attended the General Relief Society Meeting for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My prayer was that I would find comfort and peace in the words spoken and that I would be able to "fill my cup" for the bumpy road ahead.
The Lord has been so mindful of me and the pain of having her gone is not constant. Looking at her pictures is healing and I have them all over. But there are times when I look at them and the picture does not look like the little girl I remember. She was more beautiful, more precious and more lovely than a picture could ever portray. I was struggling one day sobbing that I was forgetting how she really looked and that I would only have these pictures to remind me. My dear sweet Justin held me tenderly and reminded me that I am bound by a mortal body and that I would eventually forget in my mind and need the pictures to show me. But he said something that I had not thought of and that I needed to hear and that I believe with all my heart. He told me that the reason that the pictures looked different was not because I was forgetting, but because I was communicating not only with her body but with her spirit as well. I have never and probably will never again feel so close to Heaven. Those sweet moments with my daughter were spent with her spirit forming and eternal bond that I will never forget and that is deeply engraven into my heart.
I am reminded daily that I am human and that even though I have the gospel in my life, and I know I will see her again, I desperately want to hold her again, kiss on her warm beautiful cheeks, and relive those sweet, tender moments I had with her. Knowing this, I dragged my family to Salt Lake so I could attend the meeting, and feel of the spirit there, in the same room as a Prophet of God.
As the meeting opened the General Relief Society President spoke of three principles that if written in our hearts will strengthen our faith in Jesus Christ. The following statements are just snippets of the wonderful talk given by President Burton.
"Principle One: All that is unfair about life, can and will be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ."
"Principle two: There is power in the atonement to enable us to overcome the natural man or woman and become true deciples of Jesus Christ."
"Principle three: The atonement is the greatest evidence we have of the Fathers love for His children."
"That supreme act of LOVE ought to send each of us to our knees in humble prayer and thank our Heavenly Father for loving us enough that He sent His only begotten and perfect Son to suffer for OUR sins and OUR heartaches and everything that seems to be unfair in our own individual lives."
As the meeting continued I was able to find a way that each talk touched me personally and helped me to become a better person, wife and mother.
Even the songs seemed to be catered to me;
Let us all press on
I stand all amazed
I need thee every hour
I am so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and I cannot wait until this weekend when I get to listen to General Conference and hear Apostles and a Prophet of God speak directly to me. I also cannot wait until I get all of my pictures back from our photographer so I can post more about Joys birth and all the tender mercies associated with it. We finally got our storage system figured out and started tonight downloading some of her pictures and videos. I know I have said this a million times, but I am so very grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me months to prepare for the birth of my baby girl. Just watching one of her videos having it span across our family and watching half a dozen cameras taking random pictures of events that day makes me so grateful for modern technology and the chance that I have, that many mothers don't, of reliving those sweet hours with her.
To watch the entire Relief Society General Meeting click HERE and the click by watch entire meeting.


  1. She has simply the most adorable, kissable little chubby cheeks. You are a beautiful mother, Breanne.

  2. She looks like your boys in this picture!! She totally has the White look about her, she's very, very cute! Yesterday was fast Sunday and as I was thinking about your family, I was thinking how General Conf is coming at such a great time you guys. Everyone can learn so much from it but as an outsider looking in the timing of all seems like another tender mercy. Just know, your incredible family is still in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. I was at the conference as well and the Spirit was so strong. I can't tell you how much I thought of you during their talks. Every time I hear the word JOY I think of your JOY and my heart is full. Love you guys and I am amazed how many lives you and sweet baby Joy have touched. I have people I barely know asking me about baby JOY and wanting to remember her. I love the pictures of her, she really does just GLOW:)

  4. Thank you for the post. I missed the RS broadcast so thanks for the link. This post is so true and honest and I think ur husband said it perfectly. I too miss the spirit and lexis spirit I felt the day she was born. But we are blessed mothers to have so many photos and things to take us back and help us relive. As time goes things definitely fade. I'm so grateful for what I have of her. Not every mother who loses a child as u know are as lucky as we are to prepare for that day and have those memories through photos, ect. I bet Lexi and Joy are playing in Heaven now. My little boy Landen saw Joys pick and he yells Hey it's Lexi. I corrected him and told him her name was Joy and he goes Oh she's pretty! :)