Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Finishing Joy's dress
Three weeks ago today I decided that I better take some time to photograph her dress. I wanted to take pictures of hers with mine. Back when we first found out that she would not be able to be with us for very long my mom mentioned that she had my blessing dress and I thought it would be fun to see if my dress would fit her. When I saw it I knew it would be too big for my Joy, but it was beautiful! In the back of my mind I knew I would want to make her dress. I didn't know if I could do it but I was all for making everything I could for her since I didn't have a lifetime to spoil her. When I saw mine I thought it would be so fun to see if we could make them almost the same so that I could keep mine and remember almost exactly what Joy's looked like. Not that it really matters what the dress looked like because she is what made it beautiful, but it did help me to feel better knowing that if I ever wondered that I would have almost an exact replica. Almost always things are easier said than done. If you have read Joy's blog for a while you will know that we looked for a long time for a pattern that was even close to the same as mine and even still with that one we could not make it small enough. I finally searched and the day before I was supposed to go to my grandma's to start on it I found a couple doll patterns of different sizes that seemed to have a simalar bodice and sleeves. The skirt was way off though :)
I ended up using the pattern on top and hurried and threw a practice dress together to try to figure out how to do the bottom which I have posted about earlier. As far as actually sewing the dress together I did as much as I could and my mom did the rest. Basically I would sew if it was a straight line :-) Joy's dress had an open back to make it easier to put on her after she had passed away, so we just planned to have extra material in the back for a seam allowance. The hand stitching on her dress was my favorite part. I love the color of the thread and the simplicity of the flowers. They really reminded me of the daisy I picked out right after we found out about her. It took a lot more time than I thought it would but it was a good thing for me. I loved spending all my time doing things for her and with her and the last week I really did. My favorite part about making her dress was seeing her little body in it. Every second put in it was worth it when I saw how beautiful she made her dress. It seemed to fit her perfectly and that is just what I wanted.
Now I know how perfect the Lords plan for us individually is. He knew I would need this closure with her and being able to do things for her helped immensely. Having the time to prepare for her to leave has brought such peace to my life. It has made a huge difference on how I grieve. Knowing that even in utero she could pass away any day made us so grateful for every day we did have with her. Even after she was born the miracle of being able to have her for five hours was such an incredible experience that has given me so much strength. I am sure some times I will be bitter and there are many times when I have wondered if I could really make it. But for now I think I was blessed with the most beautiful six months of my life. How could I EVER question that my Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of everything in my life. He loves Joy and I know that she is with family that loves her. I may not understand how everything works or how often she will be able to be with us but I do have the faith that God does love us and that He does everything with our best interest in mind. Just like I do for my own children (except for God is a perfect parent which I am far from :-)). I know I will have to say it time and time again and I am sorry if I sound like a broken record. It may be the crazy imbalance of everything I have going on right now but I have never felt such intense feelings of gratitude for the Lord blessing us with Joy in our life.