Monday, October 29, 2012

Joy's Headstone proof

I was very excited to be able to sign off Joy's headstone today. We have been going back and forth for a month now and it is so nice to have it just perfect!
It is amazing how much closure this gives me and how excited I am to get it in the cemetery. We would have never been able to get something so beautiful without all of the wonderful friends and family who have helped us. Thank you so much!!! I am so happy we were able to get a bench. Something that I will be able to use the rest of my life. It will still be a long time before we get to the point where it is set but I can be patient to have it perfect! The proof came on a great day. Yesterday I had a different day. I was having hot flashes and shivers all day and I didn't really have time to eat much before I had to run so I was shaky too. I had grand plans to make dinner and didn't get a chance to prepare anything before and got home later than I planned. Justin had all of the kids at the table with microwave burritos and salad. I have never liked the sight of microwave burritos so much and realized again how much I love my sweetheart. I think that kind of spun me a little and reminded me that my body is still adjusting physically and that I did just have a baby. It seems like it was so long ago that I held her. I hear a lot of people talk about empty arms and I really haven't had that experience but I do find myself wanting to "smell" her. That sounds so funny!! But I just want to smother my face in her neck and kiss her chubby little cheeks.

I have been really slow getting the rest of our birth story posted. I bothers me that I don't have it posted but I want it to really portray the feeling we had there which is hard to describe in words. I also know that it is probably a post I will read and reread my whole life so that puts a lot of pressure on me. I am sure it sounds silly. When I get in the mood to write I need at least an hour to just sit and write and then pull myself back. And that doesn't mean I get a post done. :) I usually just save it until the next chance I get. It is never a negative thing for me to write. Her experience was such a positive one and I love to think about all of those feelings we had of gratitude having her here for so long but it does make me miss her more :-) Seeing her headstone come together so beautifully brings me so much joy and gratitude again to my Father in Heaven for having such a wonderful experience with my baby girl. My heart hurts I miss her so much but there is so much joy to be had here. One step at a time :-)


  1. I love reading your blog. It is one of the few places I can go on my computer and always feel the Spirit. Thank you for that :).

  2. I LOVE ur headstone proof. It's so perfect! I'm so excited for you. It's funny you mentioned how writing ur story purs a lot of pressure on u because you know you'll read it over and over the rest of ur life. I had the same feelings at the time I did mine and you were the motivation that helped me complete it. I actually just got done reading my whole blog beginning to end. I haven't done that in a long time but today I needed it and wanted to remember. And it's not silly you miss her smell there's many days I want to kiss lexis chubby little cheeks again and smell her. Love you breanne!

  3. Oh her bench is just perfect... Thinking of you with a tender heart...

  4. I love the bench and the fact I can go sit on my brothers' bench at the same cemetery and see your sweet Joy's bench. It was so amazing meeting you last month, to feel of your sweet spirit and then go visit Joy's grave and feel her sweet spirit and know how she has touched my life. Can't wait for my Joy shirts to arrive. The design on Joy's bench is beautiful. Karen