I really wanted the boys to have a chance to hear and see her move around in my belly right before she was born incase she wasn't able to breathe. Cathy told us that there was a poor girl who had been in labor and not progressing all night and that they might bump our csection back to let her go first. I was totally happy to have the extra time. At this point things were really setting in that I could not hold on to my sweet baby any longer. Like I said in past posts, I would have carried her longer if I could have. I had dreams during my pregnancy that in my mind she would be able to live if I just carried her longer. It was really hard for me to come to terms that it was her time to progress. And she deserved to have the spotlight on her, not my belly :-)
In the hurry to get to the hospital I grabbed her unfinished hat and forgot the hooks so we called my parents and they had already left so we just had them pick up some on their way. For a funny side note I could not keep track of my hooks the last couple weeks. I kept losing them. I looked everywhere and couldn't find them. A few days after the funeral Justin found all of them :-) So now I have three sets of three different sized hooks. Ha ha My grandparents arrived at the hospital first. I am so blessed to have the most amazing grandparents ever! I lost my other grandparents years ago and I still miss them terribly but I like to believe they were there too. I can't imagine my grandma not being there to take Joy home. I had a beautiful little cousin pass away. My grandma always took care of her headstone and I remember shopping with her one time while she was looking for a butterfly decoration for Chantel. I know how much she loved her and how much she loves my Joy.
We didn't make a big deal about it, just had a good laugh. I didn't blame him, I am much more comfortable in shorts and a tee shirt too! The first thing Jaden said when he came in with a big grin on his face was "where's Joy?" He was so excited for her to come!! My brother and parents were next to arrive then it seemed like our room filled up pretty fast. We had so much support from our family. I know that throughout the day we had all of our siblings and their spouses there except for Jordan who is on a LDS mission. I know he was praying for us though. Justin has seven siblings and I have three so that says a lot that all of them were there. What an amazing family we have!!
Our boys are so amazing. I continue to be in awe at their strength. They knew what was happening but were so very excited to see her. We dont have cable at our house so we flipped on the tv and tried to find them a show. The clock was not working so I don't know what time it was but I was happy to have my family around and have my hooks to give my hands and mind something to do besides dwell on the inevitable. I was only able to get one side of tassels braided before the doctors started coming in and things started moving. They brought booties in for the boys to start getting dressed and clothes for Justin and all others coming in the OR.
The other girl was not going to have a csection and it was time to go. My anesthesiologist was very kind and I think everyone was letting me take my time. I was asked if I wanted to walk or be wheeled down to the OR. I chose to walk. I remember laughing and being excited but I was just holding onto every moment trying not to break. I was on auto pilot but I know there was someone there comforting me and helping me feel at peace.
Reliving this experience as I type is just another reminder of how truly blessed we were and continue to be. We had the most amazing experience with our daughter. Oh how much I miss her every day, but I cannot shake the feeling of a loving Father who blessed me with such a life changing experience. How blessed I am to learn all of these lessons at such a young age and to have the opportunity to teach my children, and the opportunity that they have to have a sister who I know cares deeply for them, watching them from the other side of the veil. I am sure she is busy doing missionary work but there are times when she just seems to be here in our home and our family still feels complete. What a blessing to still have that feeling. One that I thought would leave after she was born. Love you Joy