Thursday, July 19, 2012

Being brave

So from the very beginning of our journey with Joy I have been completely frightened about searching out information about anencephaly. I have had doctors tell me it isn't something I just search on the internet and Justin was very careful saying that when I was ready that he would show me pictures and we would work our way through. I think he is really careful because he has seen the medical pictures that he says are not very kind :) Mostly we don't know what Joy will look like, there are so many differences every baby, and no matter what she will be beautiful to us. We are hoping to have a 4d ultrasound a couple weeks before she is born to try and see how deformed (seriously I hate that word but it fits) her head is. Even still she will look a lot different but it will give us a little glimpse and we get to see her move around which is always a blessing.
About a week ago Justin found a really good website called or something like that :-) It is a website where parents go and write their stories and post pictures of their babies. The boys totally loved it, not at first but they were really ok with it and very interested. I did ok, couldn't stop crying the whole time, but ok. I just had a hard time with the pictures that were taken after death. I hope and pray we get to have a few pictures with her before she leaves.
We didn't read many of the stories, a lot are really sad, but we did read a couple. It just hit so close to home seeing all those babies and knowing the despair their parents must have felt.
I am so grateful I get to have my baby forever! It doesn't take away the tears or heal my heart all the way, but it keeps my mind at ease and keeps my heart from aching all the time. To know that we have such a loving Father in Heaven and a perfect Savior that will keep my sweet sweet babe for me until I get to have her again gives me a feeling of utter love and devotion to Them. What an amazing plan They have laid out for us with such love.
I know They will help us get through this and I know They will never leave our side. I was so sad reading some of the stories that were just utter despair and sadness.

I know ours will be different.

My dear Joy thank you for choosing us. We love you more than we could ever express and cherish every time you kick and move around. We can't wait to meet you but we are completely happy where you are at :-) Our family is all together now

1 comment:

  1. there is so much peace in knowing she is yours forever. she will be beautiful. keeping you guys in our thoughts and prayers. let me know if you ever need to chat.

    love ya,