Can't stop thinking about my baby girl today. Thank you Joy for being the sweet and important spirit that you are. You have touched so many and I talk to more every day. I am truly honored and blessed to call you my daughter and cannot wait until the day I get to hear you call me mother. For now I delight in every move you make and I am so happy you have been able to stay with us this long. I cannot wait to meet you (don't come early ;-)) and wish that time would last forever.
I love you my beautiful baby girl
My sweet girl
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Mini Journey's with Joy
A few weeks ago Justin and I had our first meeting with Angel Watch, a support group affiliated with the hospital. Just before that meeting we realized that we were getting more and more emotionally drained from the events that lay ahead. It felt like every day was a count down. Up until that point it almost seemed like this was how our family was going to be for a long time. It didn't seem real that the time would come that she would be born and also return to our Father. Our family seemed so complete at the time and we both felt a sense of peace that our family was all together, here.
Eventually we realized that we would need to pick out a plot and a casket and a funeral home and a head stone and decide how we want to have her program at her services. We had known for a time where we wanted to bury her but the rest just seemed to be the things we could wait on. And now the time had come that the list needed some check marks by it and we couldn't wait any longer.
After the meeting we felt like we had finally found some help that we really needed. They have helped us answer so many questions and if they couldn't then they find the answers. We felt inspired that this last month should not be like the way we were feeling. We wanted Joy to be able to do all of the fun family things that we love to do. We really didn't change much this summer so we have done a lot of things, but now they had a purpose. Now we could do them with Joy and for Joy and be able to love every minute she is with us and get the peace back that we so desperately needed. We sat down with the boys and made a list with them of all the things we like to do as a family. We still haven't figured out how Joy will be able to rock climb with us but we will get her up there. That is an important family tradition that we haven't been able to do this summer yet but we will find a way :)
The next day Justin and I went in to have our much anticipated ultrasound to see if we could see how severe Joys anencephaly was, but mostly just to get another recording of her and the chance to see her beautiful little self. We got there at 11 and I was told that my appointment was at nine and that I was marked as a no show. I still do not have words for the way I felt, crushed, stupid... they come close but not right on. I had received the recording the day before but was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and didn't even listen, just pressed 1 saying that I would be there. I felt completely silly but at the same time I was confident that the time I set up was not at nine but at 11. Later I even found the print out they made me that said 11 on it and I remember going in to check my labs from the previous appointment and looked to make sure I had the time right in my phone.
This was no ordinary appointment. This was a highly anticipated appointment, more so than any of my other ultrasounds and now I could not be seen. My emotions were already at the surface in anticipation, that I could not control the water that was starting to pool in my eyes. I texted Justin, who was sitting down waiting, that we missed our appointment. I couldn't even talk because I knew I would lose it if I did. He came over and I left to go and sit down to try to gather myself while he was trying to figure out what was the next step. Clearly he was also emotionally spent. He tried everything to get us seen that day but there was no way. We also found out that we were not scheduled to do the ultrasound in medical imaging where they are able to record it. Something that was so priceless to us. When I was able to regain my composure I went over to relieve Justin. When I got there you could tell that he was about to collapse emotionally. I don't thing I have seen him physically shaking so bad. The poor receptionist was really trying to do what she could with her limited knowledge of what was supposed to happen. The next day we had planned on taking the kids to the zoo with my mom and brother and his family, but when that was the only day open for the rest of the week we said of course. Fortunately they were able to get us in at 8:30 but still without the recording.
After that we left and made it to the car feeling similar emotion that we had felt the day we found out she had anencephaly. We needed an out. So we decided to go buy her some letters that spell Joy and we could use them in pictures of the places we go with her. Justin drove to Hobby Lobby. When we walked in the doors I already felt a little better ;) We found her some letters that we liked and a few other things like an ornament and some beads and charms to make her and I a bracelet. Totally therapy shopping but both of us felt better afterwards.
Now all we had to do was start. Here are a few fun things we have done with our Joy.
The next day was Jaxon's birthday and we threw in a party with his friends then cruised up to Bear Lake to my parents (they would want me to say our family's) cabin. It is actually my late grandma and grandpas house and my dad bought it and he has been fixing it up. We love going up there! The first day we were up there we went to the beach but Justin got stuck at work and wasn't able to meet us there. I was too busy enjoying my kids and totally forgot to take a picture. I know Joy had a lot of fun though! That night after Justin got there we played night games and got out the glow sticks. I couldn't believe the boys could hold still enough to get this picture.
Eventually we realized that we would need to pick out a plot and a casket and a funeral home and a head stone and decide how we want to have her program at her services. We had known for a time where we wanted to bury her but the rest just seemed to be the things we could wait on. And now the time had come that the list needed some check marks by it and we couldn't wait any longer.
After the meeting we felt like we had finally found some help that we really needed. They have helped us answer so many questions and if they couldn't then they find the answers. We felt inspired that this last month should not be like the way we were feeling. We wanted Joy to be able to do all of the fun family things that we love to do. We really didn't change much this summer so we have done a lot of things, but now they had a purpose. Now we could do them with Joy and for Joy and be able to love every minute she is with us and get the peace back that we so desperately needed. We sat down with the boys and made a list with them of all the things we like to do as a family. We still haven't figured out how Joy will be able to rock climb with us but we will get her up there. That is an important family tradition that we haven't been able to do this summer yet but we will find a way :)
The next day Justin and I went in to have our much anticipated ultrasound to see if we could see how severe Joys anencephaly was, but mostly just to get another recording of her and the chance to see her beautiful little self. We got there at 11 and I was told that my appointment was at nine and that I was marked as a no show. I still do not have words for the way I felt, crushed, stupid... they come close but not right on. I had received the recording the day before but was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and didn't even listen, just pressed 1 saying that I would be there. I felt completely silly but at the same time I was confident that the time I set up was not at nine but at 11. Later I even found the print out they made me that said 11 on it and I remember going in to check my labs from the previous appointment and looked to make sure I had the time right in my phone.
This was no ordinary appointment. This was a highly anticipated appointment, more so than any of my other ultrasounds and now I could not be seen. My emotions were already at the surface in anticipation, that I could not control the water that was starting to pool in my eyes. I texted Justin, who was sitting down waiting, that we missed our appointment. I couldn't even talk because I knew I would lose it if I did. He came over and I left to go and sit down to try to gather myself while he was trying to figure out what was the next step. Clearly he was also emotionally spent. He tried everything to get us seen that day but there was no way. We also found out that we were not scheduled to do the ultrasound in medical imaging where they are able to record it. Something that was so priceless to us. When I was able to regain my composure I went over to relieve Justin. When I got there you could tell that he was about to collapse emotionally. I don't thing I have seen him physically shaking so bad. The poor receptionist was really trying to do what she could with her limited knowledge of what was supposed to happen. The next day we had planned on taking the kids to the zoo with my mom and brother and his family, but when that was the only day open for the rest of the week we said of course. Fortunately they were able to get us in at 8:30 but still without the recording.
After that we left and made it to the car feeling similar emotion that we had felt the day we found out she had anencephaly. We needed an out. So we decided to go buy her some letters that spell Joy and we could use them in pictures of the places we go with her. Justin drove to Hobby Lobby. When we walked in the doors I already felt a little better ;) We found her some letters that we liked and a few other things like an ornament and some beads and charms to make her and I a bracelet. Totally therapy shopping but both of us felt better afterwards.
Now all we had to do was start. Here are a few fun things we have done with our Joy.
So we can't hold her letters while we play rock band, but I know she had a great time :-)
Joy and I at 32 weeks :-)
The next day we did make it to the Zoo. We had to take a picture in all the "traditional" spots
I love this picture because they look like they are having so much fun ha. I also love Jenston in the background.
This one is my favorite picture. We were really glad we had a uv filter on our lens when it got sprayed by the elephant. It was so funny because this was one of the last pictures of the day and Justin had been helping the kids know when the elephant was going to spray but wasn't paying attention. I just wish I had a picture from one second after this!
The place to get pictures ever since I was little, on the front porch.
We have had a ton of fun with our Joy! So glad we get to do all of these things with her.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
A great day
Today has been a great day. I woke up this morning and checked my email and found that someone had left a post on our blog. It was a sweet mother Amber who had found out about our story through friends that knew each other. The really amazing thing about Amber is that she just delivered her sweet Alexis only a month ago and Alexis and Joy have a special bond. They were both diagnosed with Anencephaly. Amber was so sweet and shared her blog with me and said that I could also share it with you. Amber, Alexis and their family have an amazing story and they give me so much strength. Alexis is also the cutest baby! If you would like to read their story about their journey with Alexis and also share your love for Amber as the time that she is going through now is the time that I am most scared for, click HERE
We also had a ultrasound today and got to see beautiful Joy move and kick and stick her tongue out at us :) We were able to have it recorded so we could bring it home and show the boys and have more record of her. It was so fun to see her. Last week we went in for an ultrasound and really just had a hard experience and I think it made this one so much sweeter. We loved our tech and Joy had moved from being head down to head up so we were able to see her beautiful face a little better. She loves to have her hands by her face and just squeeze her face into the tissue so we still didn't get any great profile or full face pictures but I know the tech tried her hardest and truly cared. The doctor also came in and tried to get some but Joy started sticking out her tongue so we took that as a "ha ha you will just have to wait to see me" :-) The great things that we saw are that she has two eye sockets and they both look "normal" for and anencephalic baby, all of her other organs are working so she is swallowing and her kidneys are making urine. Another thing that we were able to see was her bone structure right above her eyes. Joy really doesn't have much there :) We also think that she might have the dip between her eyes that we previously thought she didn't have. Either way she has a beautiful face with super cute cheeks. It was so fun to watch her move her fingers and hands and it was so fun to watch her when she got the hiccups. She is such a mover and I loved every second that I got to watch her do so. She is my beautiful baby girl.
About a half hour after we were done with our ultrasound we had our second meeting with Angel Watch, a wonderful support group that is helping us and basically taking care of us too :) They have a website if you would like to see more about there program click here. They have a fantastic team at our hospital and we were able to meet with all of them today and also someone from Intermountain Organ Donors, to try to figure out our birthing plan and how they can help us have the best experience with Joy as possible. I am constantly amazed how much people care and really want the best for us and Joy. In the meeting we had Shanie and Cathy who have met with us previously. They are our go to people if we have any questions.or need anything. They are truly there to help us and you can tell they really care about us. They are nothing but wonderful women. We met with the L&D manager who was so helpful in knowing what we could do as far as when our boys could see Joy. Because of my c-sections they cannot be there right when she is born but they will be able to be right outside the door. We met with the NICU manager and she was helpful when we talked about intubation and oxygen for Joy and just helped us feel like the most important thing was for Joy to be with her family. We also were able to meet the manager on mother baby and she was not able to stay long but it was very nice to get acquainted with her. Like I said earlier there was someone there from Intermountain Organ Donors and she answered a lot of questions we had about timing and what organs Joy might be able to donate, and we met with someone from share parents which is a volunteer based group at our hospital that does hand and foot prints, and also molds, they take pictures and anything that we would like to have as a memory of Joy. They were all so open and helpful to all of our questions even if we thought they were somewhat silly. They always made us feel loved and cared for and we know already that they love Joy.
Yesterday I was able to meet with my Doctor and it just confirmed to me how blessed I am to have her as my physician. She truly cares and is so willing to bend over backwards for me. When we talked about days for the section she just said any day. We would figure out what day worked best for our family and she would do it. She shares our same beliefs and I know that is a true blessing. I know that it makes a difference that we both know how amazing Joy is and where she gets to go after she passes away. She is truly a blessing.
Because of all our meetings I was able to spend half the day with my best friend. We had some great laughs and it always just reminds me how blessed I am to have him.
What could be better than a day like today? :)
We also had a ultrasound today and got to see beautiful Joy move and kick and stick her tongue out at us :) We were able to have it recorded so we could bring it home and show the boys and have more record of her. It was so fun to see her. Last week we went in for an ultrasound and really just had a hard experience and I think it made this one so much sweeter. We loved our tech and Joy had moved from being head down to head up so we were able to see her beautiful face a little better. She loves to have her hands by her face and just squeeze her face into the tissue so we still didn't get any great profile or full face pictures but I know the tech tried her hardest and truly cared. The doctor also came in and tried to get some but Joy started sticking out her tongue so we took that as a "ha ha you will just have to wait to see me" :-) The great things that we saw are that she has two eye sockets and they both look "normal" for and anencephalic baby, all of her other organs are working so she is swallowing and her kidneys are making urine. Another thing that we were able to see was her bone structure right above her eyes. Joy really doesn't have much there :) We also think that she might have the dip between her eyes that we previously thought she didn't have. Either way she has a beautiful face with super cute cheeks. It was so fun to watch her move her fingers and hands and it was so fun to watch her when she got the hiccups. She is such a mover and I loved every second that I got to watch her do so. She is my beautiful baby girl.
About a half hour after we were done with our ultrasound we had our second meeting with Angel Watch, a wonderful support group that is helping us and basically taking care of us too :) They have a website if you would like to see more about there program click here. They have a fantastic team at our hospital and we were able to meet with all of them today and also someone from Intermountain Organ Donors, to try to figure out our birthing plan and how they can help us have the best experience with Joy as possible. I am constantly amazed how much people care and really want the best for us and Joy. In the meeting we had Shanie and Cathy who have met with us previously. They are our go to people if we have any questions.or need anything. They are truly there to help us and you can tell they really care about us. They are nothing but wonderful women. We met with the L&D manager who was so helpful in knowing what we could do as far as when our boys could see Joy. Because of my c-sections they cannot be there right when she is born but they will be able to be right outside the door. We met with the NICU manager and she was helpful when we talked about intubation and oxygen for Joy and just helped us feel like the most important thing was for Joy to be with her family. We also were able to meet the manager on mother baby and she was not able to stay long but it was very nice to get acquainted with her. Like I said earlier there was someone there from Intermountain Organ Donors and she answered a lot of questions we had about timing and what organs Joy might be able to donate, and we met with someone from share parents which is a volunteer based group at our hospital that does hand and foot prints, and also molds, they take pictures and anything that we would like to have as a memory of Joy. They were all so open and helpful to all of our questions even if we thought they were somewhat silly. They always made us feel loved and cared for and we know already that they love Joy.
Yesterday I was able to meet with my Doctor and it just confirmed to me how blessed I am to have her as my physician. She truly cares and is so willing to bend over backwards for me. When we talked about days for the section she just said any day. We would figure out what day worked best for our family and she would do it. She shares our same beliefs and I know that is a true blessing. I know that it makes a difference that we both know how amazing Joy is and where she gets to go after she passes away. She is truly a blessing.
Because of all our meetings I was able to spend half the day with my best friend. We had some great laughs and it always just reminds me how blessed I am to have him.
What could be better than a day like today? :)
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
More Love
I feel more love every day that I spend with my daughter. Not only from her but from all of the people that love her and who she is. I feel more love from my Savior and my Father as I can feel the stress and pain lifted and I literally feel like someone is helping me every step of the way. More love from my boys doing anything they can to help me be more calm and happy. More love from my husband who does everything for me.
On days when I feel like my heart could explode I receive tender thoughts from a friend. On one particular bad day I was feeling so sad and hiding in the toy room when Jaxon came and told me there was someone at the door. It was someone delivering a beautiful fragrant flower bouquet from my sweet sister in law and it just made me so happy thinking of how beautiful my sweet baby girl is just like the flowers.
The Lord is truly mindful of me and my family and I cannot thank my family and friends enough for everything that they do for me. He knows when I need someone and there is always someone there. He knows when we are struggling at the end of a paycheck and there is always someone giving way more than we could ever repay. He knows that I enjoy always feeling Joy move and blessed us with her being by far our most active baby in pregnancy. Even on the days when I feel like I have one big bruise on the inside of my stomach I would not trade it for anything!
When I am focused on a task I have random thoughts pop up in the back of my mind telling me I am not ready for this baby to come. I need diapers and dresses and bows and a place for her to be in our home. I guess that is the nesting instinct kicking in. I know I will never be ready for her to come. I will never be ready to say goodbye. But I will do the best I can to make her little glimpse of life one full of love and do my best to spoil her rotten so she will know how grateful I am to have her as my daughter.
On days when I feel like my heart could explode I receive tender thoughts from a friend. On one particular bad day I was feeling so sad and hiding in the toy room when Jaxon came and told me there was someone at the door. It was someone delivering a beautiful fragrant flower bouquet from my sweet sister in law and it just made me so happy thinking of how beautiful my sweet baby girl is just like the flowers.
The Lord is truly mindful of me and my family and I cannot thank my family and friends enough for everything that they do for me. He knows when I need someone and there is always someone there. He knows when we are struggling at the end of a paycheck and there is always someone giving way more than we could ever repay. He knows that I enjoy always feeling Joy move and blessed us with her being by far our most active baby in pregnancy. Even on the days when I feel like I have one big bruise on the inside of my stomach I would not trade it for anything!
When I am focused on a task I have random thoughts pop up in the back of my mind telling me I am not ready for this baby to come. I need diapers and dresses and bows and a place for her to be in our home. I guess that is the nesting instinct kicking in. I know I will never be ready for her to come. I will never be ready to say goodbye. But I will do the best I can to make her little glimpse of life one full of love and do my best to spoil her rotten so she will know how grateful I am to have her as my daughter.
Monday, August 20, 2012
For Justin
I know that all of you think that your husband is a good candidate for the husband of the year award but I am sorry to disappoint you but mine just won it :) Usually at night is when he writes in his journal. I had no idea that he was writing a love note to his girlfriend. I knew I was marrying the right man ten years ago, I am weak in the knees when I see him take a minute to sit down with one of our kids and express his love for them, and I have grown ever so much more in love with him through our journey with Joy. His support and love is never ending and he literally bends over backwards to make sure I am doing ok. I could never write something like he did, he has always had a talent for those things, but I can say how much I enjoy every day waking up next to my best friend and knowing that I get to do that forever. I enjoy watching him try to be the best dad that he could ever be and making fun things like movies, roller coasters, zip lines and water slides for our kids and literally lighting up watching them enjoy going down them. We have so much fun together and I would be lost without his laugh. I still smile every time I hear it. He has been my strength, my foundation, my help, and even my maid many days (every??) when I just can't handle the stress of normal life and just want to play with the kids. I could never express everything that I wish I could. Justin is definitely my super hero and my knight in shining armor.
So for all of those who would like to see our fun movie that they made while I was sick taking a nap here is a link. For those that laugh at the thought of a roller coaster in someones backyard watch the movie :) The rest is just fun pictures of what a great dad Justin really is.
I love you Just
Our water slide that goes on forever
I love you Justin
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
MOTHERHOOD: the state of being a mother, or qualities of a mother
Let me start this off with a simple apology for this is my first time ever posting on a blog. Some might question my manhood for such a thing as blogging. This questioning I am willing to endure (for those that might not know me this is my attempt at humor). I am willing to endure it so I can share with you the example of motherhood I have been blessed to witness in my life recently.
I want to share some of my most treasured, painful, loved, and endearing moments I have witness and experienced with my wife this past year as she has shown me exemplary examples of what motherhood is. So forgive the long post but really it is her fault for her continual example to me.
My wife showed me the hopefulness of motherhood earlier this year. In one of our late night discussions laying in bed my wife confided in me how much she truly loved our boys and how grateful she is for them. Followed by a brief and tearful moment she shared her desire to have a little daughter to share girl talk, paint toenails, do pigtails, dance, and girl’s night out with. (Even after writing this blog a night with me does not count as a girl’s night out.)
At twelve weeks of pregnancy my wife showed me the joy and excitement of motherhood. With the first audible baby heart beat from the speakers at the doctor’s office her face and eyes could not hide the smile and twinkle that comes from the delight a mother experiences by having a baby begin to develop inside her.
At sixteen weeks my wife showed me the pain and fear of motherhood. As soon as the doctor mentioned the words “I was worried about this, your baby’s head has not yet formed.” My wife’s face and eyes showed me a mother’s joy and excitement turn to pain and fear only a mother can feel for her child. She also showed me the strength of a mother to do what is necessary under unimaginable circumstances as she kept her composure until she left the building. Once out of the building she shared with me her sobs and tears of a mother who has the utter fear and doubt that she might not be able to handle the challenge that lays in front of her.
That night as we laid in bed with the inability to sleep she showed me a mothers ability to feel the loss of dreams and hopes for a child. With a tear soaked pillow and no energy left to cry she eventually drifted of to sleep.
The following morning Breanne demonstrated to me the power and selflessness of motherhood. As she woke and carried out all the duties of motherhood for four boys, dressing, cooking, feeding, cleaning, and caring with out skipping a beat and finding few and far between moments of privacy to cry and morn her own battles she fought that day.
Breanne then showed me the sacrifice of motherhood as she weighed the warnings and risks given to her by the physicians about continuing the pregnancy. As she decided to sacrifice the next 7 months to being pregnant and carry her daughter regardless of all the risks to herself, discomforts, and pains that would come with carrying a child that has a condition “incompatible with life”. A sacrifice she has gladly and felt blessed to bear so that her daughter could spend as much time with us, and us with her, as possible and to giver her as much of a chance as possible for her body to develop and to live as long as her journey will allow her.
Breanne has also showed me the faith of motherhood. As we sat down to tell the two oldest boys about our journey we were beginning with our baby Joy the realization of how our journey with her is going to end sunk in to the heart and minds of our boys. Their reactions differed from one another. Jaxon immediately became emotional, crying and feeling the sadness of the situation. Jaden began to fight and search for a way, a possibility, an escape, a miracle to save her. And my wife, their mother, having faith prepared and gave a family home evening lesson earlier that week which she referred too to help Jaden and Jaxon. She had taught them and reminded them that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego responded to the threat of being through into the fiery furnace that they had faith that the Lord should surely save them, BUT IF NOT they would not loose faith. She applied that and let them know that even though in this case the Lord was not going to save us from this “fiery furnace” we would not loose faith. Together we continued to teach our boys about our belief The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day provides us of eternal families and that our loving and kind Heavenly Father would care and love for our sweet Joy for the time that we would be separated and that if we adhere to the teaching of our savior we would be joined with her again for eternity. I watched my sweet wife kneel down with me and her two oldest sons in prayer. I could not miss the opportunity to look at her kneeling tall, under unbelievable emotions and trials here and ahead of her, in faith and example to her sons and offer up gratitude to her Father in Heaven for the truth of the gospel and eternal families.
Breanne has also showed me the love of motherhood. I watched her night after night lay in bed swaddling her ever growing beautiful pregnant belly waiting for the next move Joy will make not wanting to miss a single kick or hiccup. During the day, if her hands are free from meeting the needs of the five boys (me included in that count), laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, church callings, or working on Joys dress or hats, her hands can be seen embracing her belly waiting to feel the movement of her daughter. She has showed me her love by simply holding her belly and looking out the window deep in thought about her Joy enjoying the moment with her daughter. The love she has for Joy is shown through the work and dedication to make her dresses and hats to wear and be buried in. The love she shows through sweet text messages and conversations with me that begin with an experience Breanne has had that day with Joy followed with Breanne’s express of the sadness and regret she feels that Joy can’t stay.
Breanne has shown me the bravery of motherhood. The bravery it takes each day to wake up knowing its one day closer to being able to hold her Joy and one day closer to having her return to her Heavenly Fathers embrace as well. The bravery to go through the risks of child birth to have a chance to hold and love her Joy and give Joy the chance to receive her body here on earth. The bravery to continue daily requirements and “normal” daily activities even when they seem superfluous with the events looming ahead. The bravery to make the choices and planning needed for the end of Joy’s journey with us here on earth. She has shown me the bravery of a mother that is determined to not just endure this journey but to enjoy it and create the best mother-daughter bond and love imaginable with the time they are going to be allotted.
Now I have carried on and still have not done my beautiful, faithful, loving, enduring, brave, sacrificing, selfless, wife and mother of my children justice. But I hope I have offered you a glimpse of the remarkable woman that I have the blessing of calling my wife and my children have the blessing of calling the Mother. I am so thankful for my wife’s willingness and desire to fulfill and carry out her duty, blessing, and privilege of motherhood and the examples she shows me every day.
Thank you Breanne. I love you.
Justin
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Hats and Orange Peel etsy shop
I might be slightly obsessed with having a hat that fits Joy and doesn't make her look like she has a large mushroom head. I also wanted one that fit her snugly so when we string a ribbon through it and tie it on her that it won't bunch and look funny. Really the only way to do that is to have different kinds and different sizes. My aunt Suzanne made some beautiful knitted hats that I showed earlier and we will have the hats at the hospital and I thought I could try to crochet some. That way hopefully one will work. :)
I bought a very cute pattern from the etsy shop Crochet My Love. She has beautiful patterns and so many to choose from. She is also very nice and wonderful to work with. I had only crocheted potholders and rags before and really had little experience and knew I would need a skein for practice. So I bought a grey skein of cheap yarn and went to town trying different hook sizes and trying to figure out the patterns. Needless to say the first five hats were scary to say the least :) The last one I got in turned out pretty good and I was out of that yarn. (Jenston may have needed some yarn so that is where the rest went)
My dear friend Abby approached me the other day and asked if I would be ok if she reopened her beautiful shop on etsy for a month and donated all the proceeds to our family. I am still overwhelmed by the love that she is showing our family. She closed her shop after the birth of her fourth child so she could have more time with her family (and she got called as the Primary President :)) so I know how much of a sacrifice this is for her. She will reopen her shop this Monday, August 13th if anyone is interested in cute baby gifts and other fun things :) She has a blog if you would like to go and see what awesome goodies she makes and also read the post she wrote about our Joy. Even if you are not interested in purchasing anything it would be great if people would go and tell her what a great friend she is for sacrificing so much to try to help our family. I cannot express how much we appreciate it! In an effort to try to do just that I am donating this hat to her shop. She will decide all the details of it's departure but it is a size newborn 0-3 month and the color in the picture is almost spot on. It is the same hat that I will be making for Joy except that Joys will be shorter. The flower is removable and the boys suggested I make a white one also so that the person could use either one.
And as a huge bonus for me I found an awesome model for Joy. His head circumference it a little larger than I am sure hers will be but the hats are really stretchy so I can put it on him and at least get a vision of what it might look like. I am sure you can tell by the way the hat is laying that he has a flat head just above his eyes. He is an awesome bank that my grandparents gave me when I was little. My kids have always loved him and he still loves to eat money and it is very fun to watch. I was very excited when I figured he would be a great model.
The days are starting to get busier and going by so fast. I know she will be here and gone before I know it and each day closer gets a little bit harder. Things like picking out a head stone, burial plot and casket are starting to become a necessity instead of "something I will put off until I can't anymore". I am so excited for her and the chance I get to be able to hold and love such a special daughter. Just sad I have to let her go for a little while. I imagine sending my boys on missions will be a lot like letting her go. It is hard to let her go, though I know she has an important mission to fulfill for our Heavenly Father. She is going where she needs to be and I will see her again.
Friday, August 10, 2012
My loving Aunt
I have been putting off writing this post for way too long. Mostly the words just don't seem to do any justice to what I really want to say. I have always been very blessed to be close to all of my extended family on both of my parents sides. Growing up I had both of my grandmas alive and 3 of my great grandmas. All of them were very talented and could do it all from sewing clothes for me, quilting, making afgans, and Swedish weaving. I am lucky enough to have many things from each grandma. Jaden was the only one who knew all five of my grandmas I grew up with and since then four of them have passed away. About a month ago my grandma came to visit me with a white gift bag. I knew that she had a friend that wanted to make a dress for Joy and I anticipated that being the only thing in the bag. It is a very beautiful dress and I just love it! I especially love the bottom with the pleats and the beautiful lace. It is truly made by someone who is very talented. I am glad to have a dress that is bigger than the one that we are making for Joy because we will be prepared for anything. :)
After I put the dress back in the box she handed me a square of tissue paper and explained that my Grandpa's sister Suzanne (we used to go to her house every year for new years day) had felt so bad for our situation and just wanted to help in some way. I opened the paper and inside were these beautiful hats and booties. I was elated at the thought that I would have more options for hats for Joy and I hadn't even thought about booties yet. My aunt takes after her mother and is amazing at things with her hands. Well my grandma reached in and pulled out another square of tissue.
Inside was this beautiful jacket that she had made and another different size hat and booties. I try not to think about all the cute things that I will never put on my Joy and I usually do just fine. But my aunt had made the same one for my sister in law and I was moved to tears that she would make one for Joy. I don't know that Joy will ever get to wear it but it made her seem more real and special. Most of the time I think of Joy in a fantasy state it seems because I know she won't be here for very long. I don't do the normal things that you would to prepare for a baby and I cry everyday it get's closer to her delivery. As I was trying to hold in the tears my grandma pulled out another square of tissue paper.
At this point I couldn't do any more than cry. My baby is so loved.
I am so grateful I still have my granny to help me with her dress and blankets that we are making. Having these also make me feel like my other grandmas are near by watching over our family. Thank you my dear Suzanne for touching our hearts and reminding me of very special ladies that may not be here any more but I will always remember with love.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Another FUN day working on Joys dress
Last night we got to go spend the night and my grandma and grandpa's. Last time the kids felt like five hours wasn't enough :-) so I wanted to make sure that we spent a good amount of time there. Really I am so happy my grandparents like having us around. We bring a lot of noise and chaos but also lots of boys that love their papa ted and grandma Nona. They also know how to kick back and relax.
I love how they still do some of the traditions that they did when I was little. Grandpa always makes pancakes in the morning. No one can make pancakes like my Gramps! Grandma even spoiled us with some bacon :-) We always have a fantastic lunch and she always sends the leftovers home :)
Mom came shortly after breakfast and we worked on getting a pattern drawn up for Joys slip. You can see her slip through her dress so it was fun trying to figure the right length when we didnt even know how long to make her dress :-) It is also really fun that way because I get to do whatever I want. I tried sewing the neckline for the slip and I really stunk. It is so small and I didn't think it could be done on a machine. I was ready to hand sew it and asked my mom to try. Of course she rocked and whipped out some beautiful stitches. I love being surrounded by talent!
She also sewed some lace around the hem line to give it a little more girly love. While she was working on that I was trying to figure out the pattern for the dress and get those pieces cut out. We are leaving the back open so we had to figure how much extra we needed. It was really fun figuring it all out and I just get more excited. Gramps was busy keeping the boys happy and Granny was making sure we were fed and kept cracking the whip (she would never really be like that it is just a joke we have with her and my mom) but we needed someone to make sure we were doing it right ;).
So now we have her slip done and her dress cut and even a little sewed but I didn't get any pictures of her dress. We still have a lot to do on it so I will get lots!
Joy was her beautiful little self keeping me entertained by her movements. She is such a special girl and very loved.
I love how they still do some of the traditions that they did when I was little. Grandpa always makes pancakes in the morning. No one can make pancakes like my Gramps! Grandma even spoiled us with some bacon :-) We always have a fantastic lunch and she always sends the leftovers home :)
Mom came shortly after breakfast and we worked on getting a pattern drawn up for Joys slip. You can see her slip through her dress so it was fun trying to figure the right length when we didnt even know how long to make her dress :-) It is also really fun that way because I get to do whatever I want. I tried sewing the neckline for the slip and I really stunk. It is so small and I didn't think it could be done on a machine. I was ready to hand sew it and asked my mom to try. Of course she rocked and whipped out some beautiful stitches. I love being surrounded by talent!
She also sewed some lace around the hem line to give it a little more girly love. While she was working on that I was trying to figure out the pattern for the dress and get those pieces cut out. We are leaving the back open so we had to figure how much extra we needed. It was really fun figuring it all out and I just get more excited. Gramps was busy keeping the boys happy and Granny was making sure we were fed and kept cracking the whip (she would never really be like that it is just a joke we have with her and my mom) but we needed someone to make sure we were doing it right ;).
So now we have her slip done and her dress cut and even a little sewed but I didn't get any pictures of her dress. We still have a lot to do on it so I will get lots!
Joy was her beautiful little self keeping me entertained by her movements. She is such a special girl and very loved.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Mock dress
It is difficult to know what size of pattern you need when you don't know exactly how big your baby will be :-) Since she will be born between 36 and 37 weeks all of the regular baby dresses are too big. I found a doll dress pattern but I wanted to hurry and sew it together before I go to my grandmas tomorrow to work on her "real" dress. I had to make a new skirt pattern because the one for the doll was really short and really gathered. I wanted a longer more simple look. I am glad I hurried and put it together because I have never gathered before and it gave me a little practice. And i also really like how the skirt turned out!I didn't start on it until after lunch today so I didn't unpick any mistakes including the one where I sewed the seams outside when I connected the dress to the bodice... Whoops! Need to pay more attention. I was running Jaden to and from swimming when I was working on that part so clearly my mind was somewhere else. :-) Anyway here it is, I am so excited for how pretty she will make her dress!! I texted Justin today and said that I think she is head down because she is getting hiccups all the time and I feel them down lower. It will be fun to see next week if I am right ;-) I also said how sad I am that she has to go :-) I am sad but I feel so blessed to be able to have the time to do all these fun things for my daughter. Most people don't get 4 months like I do to prepare. Heavenly Father knows me so well :-)
Monday, August 6, 2012
Remember
Some things I want to remember about this special time I get to spend with my sweet daughter.
She is always a good girl and moves pretty consistently. That is a very good thing for this mommy who is always worrying about still birth. She responds to some things that are really amazing to me. They say that she cannot feel, anything, and in my mind that means she cannot get uncomfortable because she doesn't feel comfort. I am glad she doesn't have to feel pain but she always let's me know if something is bugging her :-) Our road is very bumpy and she will always let me know that is too much bouncing. She will be completely still and then she will be wide awake when we get to the top of our road. If i am bending over too much she lets me know. As soon as I lay down it is her time to shine. :-) Another blessing for this paranoid momma. If I feel like I haven't felt her for a while I can take my hand and rub it around my belly and she will start moving. Not always enough for someone else to feel, but enough for me. She seems very small and sometimes it makes me worry but I have decided that her size is trivial :-) as long as she is growing that is great! I have measured 3cm small every drs appointment. I can never feel a head or a bum like I could with my others and I always worry about hurting her. She gets the hiccups most every day and she really doesn't like them. I love her more deeply every day and am so grateful for this opportunity I have to be a part of her life. She is amazing!
She is always a good girl and moves pretty consistently. That is a very good thing for this mommy who is always worrying about still birth. She responds to some things that are really amazing to me. They say that she cannot feel, anything, and in my mind that means she cannot get uncomfortable because she doesn't feel comfort. I am glad she doesn't have to feel pain but she always let's me know if something is bugging her :-) Our road is very bumpy and she will always let me know that is too much bouncing. She will be completely still and then she will be wide awake when we get to the top of our road. If i am bending over too much she lets me know. As soon as I lay down it is her time to shine. :-) Another blessing for this paranoid momma. If I feel like I haven't felt her for a while I can take my hand and rub it around my belly and she will start moving. Not always enough for someone else to feel, but enough for me. She seems very small and sometimes it makes me worry but I have decided that her size is trivial :-) as long as she is growing that is great! I have measured 3cm small every drs appointment. I can never feel a head or a bum like I could with my others and I always worry about hurting her. She gets the hiccups most every day and she really doesn't like them. I love her more deeply every day and am so grateful for this opportunity I have to be a part of her life. She is amazing!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)