Long time

It has been a really long time since I have recorded any if my thoughts. I try to think of why and here are the thoughts that come to my mind :-) not that I want to make excuses, I think it is good for me to remember them though. I am hoping to write a little more. I have several posts that have been in the works for months about her birth and funeral that I really want to get done. I hope to get them posted soon but in the mean time here are my thoughts.

1. Writing a post is emotionally draining for me. It was a really good outlet but I would usually write late at night when everyone else was asleep and it didn't affect them. Now I have been trying to get up earlier and let's face it, if I don't get my sleep I am not a good mom :-) that is probably the biggest reason. 

2. It is hard to want to face those emotions. No one likes to feel sad. I would much rather act like I am just fine and happy all the time. 

3. I have a more time consuming church calling.

4. I don't like to face the fact that I am already forgetting stuff. A day I want to remember more than any other in my life. All of my kids are just as important but I get to make new memories with them all. The only memories I have of Joy were on that day.

5. My absolute favorite picture of her is on my last post. I love seeing that picture first when I open her blog. I need to figure out how to make that permanent :)

All my love to you if you are reading this and facing a similar situation. I hope that you are able to find peace.