So much love

Justin and I have had the opportunity to speak to a few different young adult groups. It has been amazing the feelings that I have re-watching all of Joys videos and reflecting on our journey with her. I have felt such an increased amount of love for her and for a loving Heavenly Father who blessed us with such a wonderful and perfect little girl. I have felt of His love as He knows how much I LOVE talking about her and how it helps me cope with her loss. What an amazing opportunity to share her story again two years after she was born. It has strengthened my testimony and helped me again remember what things are really important. I have also felt an immense overflowing of love for our family who have done so much for us and who continue to support us at our speaking opportunities. We also have amazing friends who were present at the time Joy was born and how grateful I am that they were there supporting us and how touched I am they took the time to visit us and show us their love. We were so blessed to have another sweet little boy join our family in February. Little Jonathon. He has been the healer that we didn't know we needed. Before he was born I had anxiety that he would replace Joy or that my feelings for her would change somehow. Oh how it is so contrary. He brings so much love into our home and we think about her more often with him here. Like I said, he is the healer we didn't think we needed. He is by far my most cuddly and pleasant baby. How grateful I am for the plan of happiness. What a great plan it is!! As you can tell by most of my posts I am quite the sap. My heart is completely full and feels as if it could overflow with the love I feel right now. We are so blessed.

Long time

It has been a really long time since I have recorded any if my thoughts. I try to think of why and here are the thoughts that come to my mind :-) not that I want to make excuses, I think it is good for me to remember them though. I am hoping to write a little more. I have several posts that have been in the works for months about her birth and funeral that I really want to get done. I hope to get them posted soon but in the mean time here are my thoughts.

1. Writing a post is emotionally draining for me. It was a really good outlet but I would usually write late at night when everyone else was asleep and it didn't affect them. Now I have been trying to get up earlier and let's face it, if I don't get my sleep I am not a good mom :-) that is probably the biggest reason. 

2. It is hard to want to face those emotions. No one likes to feel sad. I would much rather act like I am just fine and happy all the time. 

3. I have a more time consuming church calling.

4. I don't like to face the fact that I am already forgetting stuff. A day I want to remember more than any other in my life. All of my kids are just as important but I get to make new memories with them all. The only memories I have of Joy were on that day.

5. My absolute favorite picture of her is on my last post. I love seeing that picture first when I open her blog. I need to figure out how to make that permanent :)

All my love to you if you are reading this and facing a similar situation. I hope that you are able to find peace. 

Just a little heartache

I have been procrastinating posting for so long, but today I just needed a place to let my emotions out. It is so hard hearing sweet friends going through the same heartache and pain that we experienced a year and a half ago. There are so many things I wish I could do or say that would make things be better or go away. I just have an immense feeling of gratitude for my loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ whom I have constantly leaned on and put my trust and love in. I know that for much of the pain I cannot do anything for my sweet friend who will bury her little girl in a couple days. But I do know that THEY will be there for her. I can't imagine my life without my sweet Joy and I am so grateful I have the opportunity to see her again. I could not do that without my God. I love my children and my husband so much more than I could ever express. So very grateful.