As I sit here at the computer my heart is so full it is hard to express in words. I often see sweet cute cubby cheeked babies and wonder what Joy would look like and what it would be like to smother my face in her chubby little cheeks once more, and my heart aches so badly. I saw the cutest chubby cheeked little probably 18 month old tonight while I was waiting for pizza. She walked right up by me and stood by my side, smiling ear to ear as we chatted about her cute shoes and how pretty she was. She must have known I needed to talk to her and feel that somehow I was saying the same things to my own daughter. After I left my emotions were on the surface and then overflowed as I sat here on the computer reading comments people left on facebook after I shared her video early today. As much as somedays are so painful, I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven for allowing me to experience such a sacred time with my family. My testimony now of the restored gospel, my loving Savior Jesus Christ, and a sweet and loving Father has been strengthened immensely and although there are somedays when I just wish I could love on her like a mother should on her baby, I would not trade our experience with Joy. Every moment was so precious, and now seems so perfect. She was more beautiful to us without her hat than with. Her mortal body may have had limitations but her spirit overcame them and made her more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. I have a dear friend who shared recently a post that largely sums up my feelings.
She says "
Even though we were broken hearted to know our time with Caleb would likely be limited, we knew that Caleb was an eternally significant part of our family. We knew that Caleb’s special body was an important part of his mission. His physical challenges and his celestial spirit were entertwined. To wish away his challenges would have also been wishing away the opportunity to have heaven in our home."
Thank you sweet April for being such an amazing friend.
I am so blessed for the opportunity to have heaven in my home and the opportunity to receive all of the wonderful sweet comments that buoy me up and help me remember how truly blessed I am. We have made such wonderful dear friends and grown so much closer to family through this process who have all sacrificed so much for us. So many kind actions have been performed and now gives me a constant goal of doing good for others. If I start crying when I am around you it is not a sad cry, just tears of overwhelming gratitude. To say that I have felt inadequate of the task since the day we first found out about Joy would be and understatement. But through your thoughts and prayers and love, the constant love and encouragement from the most amazing companion, and the constant guidance from a loving Father and His Son, it has been and will be one of the most amazing experiences that I will have the privilege of living through.
To my dear sweet Joy. Thank you and I love you always.
I watched Joy's video this morning. I was crying and crying and my four year old daughter was very concerned. She came and wiped my tears and said, "why are you crying, mom?" I blubbered out, "it's just so beautiful!" Thank you for sharing your most sacred and cherished moments so that others can feel Joy's strong spirit. Your family is solid and so inspiring. Truly an inspiration. Although my tears were in sadness too, there is so much love and beauty in her story that I come away feeling so much peace and joy. Joy is such a joy. Thank you for sharing her with the world.
ReplyDeleteOh there are no words... I just love you.
ReplyDeleteHi Breanne!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Alana and I am a total stranger! I thought it was high time I fess up that I have been reading your blog for months now but never commented. We have a mutual friend, Amber Hammond, whom I just met on Monday. Amber's Mom is in my ward; I live in St. George. I am past due now with my boy who has anencephaly. I will be 41 weeks tomorrow, yikes!!!! So he should be coming any minute or day now. I have never commented because I'm usually crying huge sobs before I finish reading one of your posts. They are so touching. Especially your video. It was just beautiful, beautiful, beautiful to see Joy and hear her adorable, sweet sounds. When I first got the diagnosis, I was so afraid of what my son's injury would look like but thanks to reading your blog and Amber's blog, I am not afraid at all anymore. I can't wait to finally meet my sweet little man and kiss his cheeks. Thank you so much for sharing your baby Joy with the world. It has helped me a lot to read about her. Truly, you will never know how much it has helped me!