Thursday, January 24, 2013

Talking to strangers about Joy

So just a random post... I called today to make a hospital (last one :-)!!!!) payment over the phone today and since it was a labor and delivery the lady kindly asked how old my baby was. I know a lot of people have had a hard time with this question for a lot of reasons. You don't want to make the person feel bad for asking and it does give your heart a painful little twinge. I have heard a lot of people just answer with how old their baby would be or quickly saying that the baby passed away. My mind raced a little with where I wanted to go. I always have a hard time not talking about Joy. She is still a huge part of my life and I love talking about her!! I replied "oh she passed away she was 5 hours old.. Pause.. We knew she was going to pass away, she had a condition called anencephaly and we were just so happy she made it to term and spent 5 hours with us." I am so grateful for the ladies response! She said "I am so sorry. I am so happy you were able to have her for that long. What a neat experience." It was!! I am so grateful everyday for that experience with my sweet Joy!! We talked for just a second more and in a choked voice the lady told me thank you for sharing. If only she knew how much I appreciated her answer. All of the time people mean well and I know that just one word can affect the way a condolence is received dramatically. Had she said that I should be grateful for the time I had with her it would have been a totally different conversation. But she just simply said she was happy we were able to have that time and expressed a genuine "sorry". She didn't say much but it was more than just "sorry, now what is your card number :-)" I don't think I have ever been offended by something someone has said, I am sure unfortunately the time will come where it just hits me off guard. I know I have been very lucky because a lot of my friends have had some pretty silly things said to them. Even having lost a baby, everyones experience is so different, I still don't know what to say. I am so grateful for this lady's example for me today, I know how good it felt to talk about my Joy and feel good about it afterwards. Now my heart is full and I can have a happy cry :-)


  1. You are definitely blessed with the perfect temperament to handle these situations. How easy it would be to get offended, or not give people the benefit of the doubt. You are just so dang awesome!

  2. Hi, you don't know me. I found your blog through my friend Emily Beus. I followed it through your pregnancy and birth if your beautiful daughter! I've admired you and your strength and testimony! In October unexpectedly our two year son passed away and your reality hit closer to home for me. Thanks for sharing your Joy and your thoughts! I couldn't agree more though that I like to talk about my son because he is such an important part of our family. Thank you